hello...?

I have been having mixed emotions.
I'm sad that I could no move out with my friends.
I'm scared of my future.
I'm upset that my weekends are spent mostly at the zoo.
I'm happy that I'm at the zoo so often.
I'm tired all the time.
I'm stressed about money/work/future.


I just don't know anymore.

goonies never say die

Update: staying at home for another year.

I love the zoo. If you were unaware I am painting faces for small children (and maybe some adults too) for the summer and getting paid for it. I love it. I love being outside I love seeing all the families, and I'm right across from the ponies and right next to the lemurs. They are soooo cute. Maybe I'll bring my camera sometime and snap a few pictures of what goes down. I'm working Friday/Saturday/Sunday, so if your interested in what I do, or if you just LOVE the zoo...stop by, you may be lucky and get a free face painting by moi.

This past weekend was a rough one. First of all, it was opening weekend of the Rabbit Hole (with two more weeks of preformances!!! Check it out!) and opening weekend of the Zoo, and I had to be at both. Which didn't allow for alot of time with Scott. Naturally I became stressed and very annoyed at basically everything, so we had a long talk and a little break just to recharge and get relaxed. Everything is fine now, but I really learned not to under appreciate any time spent with him or to just not love every moment I am with him. I think times like these are wake up calls to remind us how important certain people are in our lives. As much as I hated it, I really learned to love it.

May 16 is the local shutterbug photography show, and Emma Meyer and I are going to be there, so if you aren't doing anything from 1-3 on that day, I'll have more information, but you should stop by and vote for my picture as people's choice award!!!! :] :] :]

I'm feeling a little less stressed. I need to stop thinking that I control everything and just let events take their natural course and just let life go on like its suppose to. I have a problem of just freaking out about things that have already happened. I can't change them so I just need to learn how to accept them and move on.

Happy belated Earth Day Everyone!

sleepless in huntertown

so this week has consisted of: school, little hang out time, and rehearsals for The Rabbit Hole, and looking for an apartment.

My heart loves st. joe, because it is perfect. Its furnished, it is hip, it is cool...but the price is just not in my price range.

so my brain is set on canterbury...it is big, affordable, and we can decorate it ourselves. This however is proving to be problematic with some of my possible roommates.

I'm not sure if the hassel of it all it worth moving out just yet. Maybe if i save my money and stay at home for another year i'll be able to move out, or if i just find different people to room with i'll be set. I don't know. its all crazy right now.

I haven't been feeling like myself lately and i think that the stress of everything and not having a moment to myself is really starting to take its toll. I don't know what is going on in my relationship with scott. I think we're in a rut. hahah which is silly to say. but we're getting through it.

I'm hoping that summer will bring a breath of fresh air into the situation.

Other than that, not too much has been happening.
I can't sleep now, and I think its because I think too much.

mamma i'm a big girl now

I'm so stoked to start working at the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo. I've never really 'professionally' painted anyones face (but my own) but I really don't think it is going to be rocket science, and I'm sure with the practice I will be putting in (because I'm thinking about purchasing a DIY kit from Borders) will sharpen my skills. :]

Right now though, I am helping out as a crew manager for FPT (first presbyterian theatre's) The Rabbit Hole which is a play about a couple dealing with the grief of losing a child. Its really touching and seriously has made me cry every time I see it. It should be a good run. If you are anywhere near the Ft. Wayne area check it out (plus if your a student, call in for free tickets!).

I am ready for summer and for this spring/school season to be over. I'm ready to walk around barefoot, lay in the sun, chill in the pool, and hopefully move out of my parents house. (which is still up in the air, but Katie and some friends and I are looking at St. Joe place for living www.smartstudentliving.com). Its nice but a little pricey so I need to start being smart with my money now, which is something I'm not really good at yet.

so nice, so smart

easter is just in a couple days.
it should be nice

i haven't posted anything in the past...oh goodness, two months, sorry. I really don't know what has kept me. school, trying to find a job, family, friends maybe. my lack of dedication, who knows.

I did find a job though. This summer i will be painting faces at the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo. I'm totally stoked!

Words i wish people would use more often:

*boss (like "wow man, that was totally boss")
*totes! (like "totes! we should definately hang out sometime")
*bitchin' (like "that move you did on your skateboard was totally bitchin'")
(the next couple may actually be phrases)
*barf me out (like "gross! barf me out, she did not kiss him!)
*geek (you never heard this bad boy too often these days)
*heavy (like "wow man, this news is totally heavy")
*legit ( i'm too legit, i'm too legit to quit)

that was just a little random.
i'm done.
peace